Searching for Ben Orr

Kind of weirdly personal and took a long time to write. I also hesitated quite a while before sharing, but here goes...

Benjamin Orr. Gifted singer, talented musician, gorgeous human, sad, happy, “randy”, funny, quiet, father, bandmate, son, brother, lover, husband. Ben died twenty four years ago this month, a few minutes before midnight on October 3, 2000.  I have been trying to compose something thoughtful about this but I’ve been struggling because who am I? Just a late-comer fan. Social media makes it so easy today to think or pretend that you know someone famous or that you have an adjacent relationship because you can comment and like posts and pictures from a safe distance behind a screen.

When you look at pictures of famous people it’s difficult to put them in perspective as regular human beings.  I’m trying to fit together all of the pieces of this person.  I wonder if it’s weird to talk and write about someone you never knew? Yet here I am doing it anyway.  How do his family and friends feel about all of the Facebook and Instagram and YouTube and Pinterest posts and all of the comments on all of those? I think it’s all done with love and I hope they understand that. And where does my interest in this fit in? There is something about pictures of him as a darling little boy with a half grin, crooked bow tie and crooked bangs, in another he’s dressed up and with his drum kit apparently ready for a performance somewhere- maybe with his dad at Lemko Hall?  And as a teen and young rock and roll star with his “long” hair swept into a DA, smiling as he plays his Fender Jazzmaster in The Grasshoppers, dressed to the nines, green Beatle boots and all. He exuded an essence that leaps off the page and the screen that just touches something in my core.  And stirs something that I am still chasing for reasons unknown. I’m sitting here listening to Cars’ songs for the millionth time so I guess that’s a place to focus. The gift that was his voice, his presence, the legacy of his music that is forever.

My Cars obsession- I was not the biggest fan of The Cars when they were active.  I mean I liked their songs- mostly from the first two albums, but I wasn’t a dedicated follower.  I did own a copy of the first album and like we all did back then I devoured the cover, the record sleeve, the liner notes and in particular the photographs of the band.  Ben Orr looked like no one else. Exotic.  Beautiful. The ironic thing is that the photographs illustrated the enigmatic person that was Benjamin Orr. He appeared to be ethereal. Otherworldly gorgeous. Above it all. He looked like the quintessential new wave rock and roll star. That’s who he was in my twelve year old mind in 1978. And that didn’t change until I read Ben’s biography written by Joe Milliken and started finding out who this mythical creature really was. Unpretentious, down to earth,  generous and kind.  When I was in high school and college The Cars’ music was everywhere, on the radio and on MTV. I think that’s why I didn’t really pay too much attention to it. It was just part of the fabric or the background, wherever you were and whatever you were doing, there it was.  And I was into different genres and types of music when Shake It Up and Heartbeat City were popular. I don’t even remember Door to  Door or any of the songs from 1987.  I was in college and irresponsibly more interested in partying than anything else.  I was listening to Prince, U2 and The Beastie Boys, The Bangles, The Cure, XTC, General Public, REM, Crowded House and just getting into the Grateful Dead at that time.

So this has been kind of like finding treasure.  Deep cuts and pre-Cars songs. They are so, so damn good.  I was missing out.  But maybe for some reason I wasn’t meant to find these treasures until now. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to find Ben Orr until now.  Maybe it’s divine timing. I think you have to be in the right headspace, to be tuned to the right frequency, or arrive at a certain place in your life before things make sense, to understand lyrics, relate to the story, be moved by the art. 

Can a song, or songs, both soothe and excite at the same time?  Don’t these two emotions seem contradictory? As I immerse myself in the music of The Cars- specifically the songs sung by Benjamin Orr, I think these two things are not mutually exclusive.  It’s All I Can Do and You Wear Those Eyes make me feel both of those things- I relate to the lyrics and then get all the feels because Ben’s voice is just so delicious. You’re sure he’s singing just for you- and I think that’s what a truly gifted vocalist does; touches your head, your heart, and your soul.  And even though all The Cars songs were the product of the lyrical genius that was Ric Ocasek, it’s Ben’s voice that makes them. And for as much as their more popular songs have that “it” factor, there are the lesser known (unless you are a rabid fan, and as I have found out there are MANY) songs that are even better, cooler, deeper, more interesting. Songs like 

Midnight Dancer

 Don’t Tell Me No when Ben belts out “It’s my PAARTY, you can come”!

If you haven’t, or haven’t in a long time, I urge you to go listen to these songs and then come back and let’s chat. Tell me they don’t spark something deep down in your soul.

Cap’n Swing’s Come Back Down

Cool Fool and Don’t Go to Pieces

You Can’t Hold on Too Long

Wake Me Up

Take Me Now

I have so many questions and things I wonder about Ben Orr and no one to really talk about them with. I don’t know anyone who is as rabid a Cars fan as I have become so with this post I’m basically talking to myself.  

 Can you search for someone who is no longer alive?   

Like all kinds of fans, many who have posted pictures on Facebook, I took a road trip a while ago and visited Benjamin Orr’s grave at St. Patrick’s Cemetery in Thompson, Ohio. The gravestone is small and simple.  It has been adorned with trinkets, mementos and gifts of all sorts and kinds from visitors paying their respects.  The cemetery is very rural, very peaceful and pretty.  The only sounds were birds and the occasional loudspeaker announcements from the drag strip down the road.  As odd as I think it is for a rock star to be laid to rest in such a humble place, it also seems fitting for what I’ve learned about Ben Orr. That he was a regular guy- for a rock star. That he liked regular guy things- hunting, fishing, riding his Harley. That he was completely unpretentious and humble.  It’s sweet that he is buried next to his brother Charles. The gravestone is relatively small.  There are much bigger memorials and headstones in the cemetery.

But I still have questions. Why this cemetery?  Do family members visit the gravesite?  Is Ben’s son ever able to visit? It is so far away from anything it would have to be a concerted effort to do so.  Someone must take care of the plot- all of the offerings; the miniature cars, records, flowers, and bottles of hot sauce that people leave must be removed and taken somewhere.  I wonder where all of those mementos go? 

Another thing that has me wondering…by all accounts Ben Orr was the quiet member of The Cars. The one who shied away from the spotlight- unless he was on stage.  There are many pictures and videos of him playing to the camera.  Off stage he appears to have been hesitant to speak much.  But I was recently watching videos of some Orr Band shows from the 1990s and Ben is quite chatty and talkative on stage in a way he was not with The Cars.  So who and what was the real Benjamin Orr?

In all the reading I’ve done, two people really stood out to me for the sweet, affectionate and loving things they remembered about Ben. David Robinson is one of them. David’s fondness for his bandmate was so evident in the book Let’s Go. He described the way Ben’s natural charisma attracted other people. David discussed Ben’s phenomenal vocal talent and how Ben was able to record spectacular vocal tracks in one take. How he was amazed to realize that Ben was the same Benny Orzechowski who was  featured in a Life magazine article about young musicians with “long” hair back in the 60s.  And how typically unassuming and low-key Ben was about it. David also relates a sweet story about Ben walking down a Boston street surrounded by adoring family and fans all basking in his magical aura.  

Alan Kaufmann was Ben and Ric’s sound tech in the early to mid 70s when they were playing gigs in and around Boston and who introduced them to the amazing Elliot Steinberg- AKA Elliot Easton. Alan’s affectionate remembrances of Ben in Joe Milliken’s book are so touching- so sweet and from the heart.  I am paraphrasing here but he described Ben as having an ancient soul and a heart as huge as a Cadillac Fleetwood. This description really struck me as probably one of the most insightful and genuinely loving things ever said about Ben. I feel like he really understood the essence of who I’m guessing Benjamin Orr was.  And I feel like these two qualities are what made The Cars The Cars.  It was Ben’s human-ness that warmed their cool sound and unusual lyrics and made them strangely relatable to millions of fans. Of course I have no idea if this is true or not, but I think it was these two qualities that ultimately led to Ben and Ric’s falling out.  Ben expected and thought that his relationship with Ric would stand the test of time and the test of friendship, and of course it did not.

But that’s the thing- Ben’s duality is such a puzzle.  His changing looks, a life lived largely out of the spotlight,  by all accounts he didn’t have any kind of rock star ego.  Re-listening recently to the Cap’n Swing and very early Cars songs, most of which never made it to albums, further reinforces just how phenomenal his voice was and how frustrating it was that post- Cars he couldn’t get another recording contract.  

From what I’ve read, Benjamin Orr was also described alternately as no mystery, easy-going with a streak of mischievousness, but also serious, quiet to the point of reticence, extremely private. He referred to his bandmates as his “brothers”, both in The Cars and Big People, yet was estranged from The Cars for about thirteen years. I guess trying to get a handle on a person who only publicly shared a small portion of who he was is impossible. I recently watched an interview with Alice Cooper who said something interesting- he plays a character while on stage, he isn’t the character. I think Ben also said something similar- once he stepped off the stage he was just a regular guy.  The cognitive dissonance is kind of hard to reconcile. 

So back to my unanswerable queries. Can you search for someone who is no longer alive? Why do I feel the need to do this? Who was the real Benjamin Orr? Is it any of my business? Yes;  can’t figure that out;  many things to many people; and probably not.  But as I have written in my other posts, I can’t help it.  I’ve been bitten by the Ben Orr bug and I can’t seem to shake it.